II Corinthians 5:17
Ezekiel 11:19
There is no human being who has ever lived who has been
truly different from any of the others who have come before them. We all want
to believe that we are somehow more unique or interesting than others; but no
matter how hard we try, we are still the same at the core of our beings. We all
have the same appetites and desires. We all share the same basic fundamental
biological needs; and, we all desire pretty much the same things out of life. A
person can change his or hers appearance through body modification, a person
can change the way they dress; but in the end, we are all fundamentally the
same. When I was young, I used to be so jealous
of my brother. Everything seemed so easy for him, and everything seemed so hard
for me. He was good with people, especially girls, and I was awkward and
insecure. He could pick up a guitar or sit down to a piano and figure out how
to play it without much help from my parents or a teacher; and me, well let’s
just say that people, and most animals, are very thankful that I stopped trying
to play. I know that I had gifts and talents as well; but to me, they just
never seemed as good as the ones God gave my brother. I don’t honestly remember
the exact year or date it happened; but, one day the thought was placed in my
little head that God had somehow made me inferior to my brother; and that day,
was truly one of the worst days of my life.
You may think I am exaggerating; but I can assure you, I am
not. At first it was merely a simple thought that was placed in my mind by the
enemy. It was nothing more than just a small little lie that should have easily
been identified and rejected; but very much in line with the plan of the enemy,
it kindled there in my brain till it became a raging wild fire that eventually
consumed my heart and my very identity.
I actually came to believe that I was
fashioned, not only a bit different from my brother, but actually inferior to
him. This thought so infected my heart that it spread to every relationship I had.
I have to say, it must have been exhausting for my friends and family when I
was young. God had designed me with a very active imagination and a mind that
never stopped, and the enemy knew just how to exploit the weaknesses in that
design. Of course, I now realize that with each distinct personality design
comes, not only a weakness, but a great strength as well. When I was young,
however, all I could see was the weakness. The truth of the matter was, and
still is, that my brother was fundamentally no different than me. He was neither
better than me nor made for a greater or more important purpose than I was. God
did not look down from heaven when he brought me into this life and say, “Oh
angels of heaven watch and see the inferior being I have just created. Well,
don’t watch since he’s not worth the time. In fact, just ignore him he’s
worthless.” Of course, that’s exactly what the enemy had convinced me had happened,
and I spent all of my childhood and a lot of my adult life trying to prove to God,
myself and the world that I was good enough. Of course, as anyone who has
experienced this knows, no matter how hard you try nothing you acquire, no
amount of praise, no amount of earthly love nor anything else you may convince
yourself will help will ever fill that deep aching void you feel in your heart.
So, if nothing could fill this void in me, how did I finally
break this destructive cycle the enemy had put me on? Well, I didn’t. (What?
Spoken in a minion voice.) I could not break the cycle.
Jason Kiefer in all of his imagined and real strength could not break himself
out of this mental cycle. I could have become president of the United States
(Kiefer/Inman 2032) and still in the deepest places of my heart, I would have
felt inferior. I could have married the most beautiful loving woman in the
world whose sole purpose in life was to tell me every day that she thought I
was amazing, and still I would have felt unloved. A radioactive spider could
have bitten me and given me super powers, and still I would have felt like worthless
failure that had nothing to offer. There was, and still is, nothing in this
world that could truly stop the slow and debilitating rot that had infested my
heart. Sure, there were things that covered over or dulled the crippling feelings
in my heart; but in the end, just like medication that only treats the symptoms
of a disease and not the disease itself, the disease still remained slowly
killing me. There was only one cure for what ailed me, and that was Jesus Christ.
Now, anyone who knows me knows I am not a “Love Conquers All” kind of person. I
am a warrior; but, the warrior could not just bear up under this and weather
the storm of what was going on inside of me. The warrior could not fight his
way out of the disease that was destroying me from the inside out. No, the only
thing that could save me was the love of God.
I had a friend once who was praying for me after church and
started to cry. She came to me later and told me that God had shown her that my
heart was filled with holes and that I was always pushing forward and helping
and ministering to others while my own heart was being torn apart. She told me she
did not know how I had been doing it for all of these years; but, that God was
going to change that for me and heal the holes in my heart. Now, I don’t tell
this to too many people; but, I can count on my hand how many times I have
actually felt the tangible presence of God when someone has prayed for me. This
time, however, something supernatural happened in me. My heart actually began
to heal. The only way I can express what happened, and is still happening, is
to use a superhero analogy. (I know that’s so not like me.) The process is kind
of like Wolverine’s healing factor. At that moment my heart began to regenerate
supernaturally like I had a healing factor. It was more than just a healing
that leaves scars; but rather, my heart was actually regenerating and becoming new
as if it had never been damaged to begin with. In fact, because of the person I
was designed to be, I am constantly putting myself into situations where my
heart will be damaged; but in true God fashion, my heart is also still
regenerating causing my heart to be in a constant state of regeneration and renewal.
You see, all of my strength could not bring forth this change in me. Only Jesus
could do that; and not only did he give me a healing factor, he helped me shed
light on the lie that had been festering in my heart for all of these years
obliterating its power over me. You see,
only HIS love could do that. Only by realizing that HE loved me and had made me
for a grand purpose could do that for me. The truth of HIS love replaced the
lie that I was unlovable and shattered the chains of depression and inferiority
that had encased my heart.
We have it wrong when we talk about how God heals. If all
God ever did was heal, then we would all be walking around scared and damaged.
The very definition of scar is: 1. a mark left by a healed wound, sore, or burn. 2. a lasting
aftereffect of trouble, especially a lasting psychological injury resulting from
suffering or trauma. 3. any blemish remaining as a trace of or resulting from injury
or use. Let me ask you something: when God heals or renews does he leave traces
of the old life? No He does not; so by default, his healing cannot leave scars.
So, he does not heal, but he regenerates. Everything God has ever touched or
ever will touch is completely changed and transformed into a completely new
state. The bible is filled with instances, and explanations, of this regeneration
and renewal process. When Namen the leper dipped himself into the river Jordan
he came up more than just healed of leprosy, but his skin and internal organs
were completely regenerated. He was made new. When Lazarus was raised from the
dead after 4 days of being in the grave, he came back completely restored and
made new. No trace of the sickness that had killed him or the decay that had occurred
over the past four days remained on him. Imagine if it had, instead of a
renewed man they would have had a zombie. Funny to think about it that way; but
let’s be honest, if God had just simply given him back his life, then he would
have been a sick decayed body walking around. No, God did more than just give
him back his life, he completely renewed him. The three Hebrew children after
being thrown in the fire came out with no traces that they had ever been in the
furnace, not even the smell of smoke was upon them.
Moreover, in 2 Corinthians 5:17 it says: Therefore, if anyone is
in Christ, he is a new creation; old things have passed
away; behold, all things have become new. He literally states in this
scripture that what has been done in us through Jesus is more than just
Salvation; but, a complete and utter renewal of our very being. Our old selves
have passed away, or died, and we have been renewed, or resurrected, and have
been made NEW. What is new life?
Well new life is the life of a new born baby. A new born baby when it comes into
the world has not yet been damaged by the ravages of life. It is completely perfect
and new. This is what He is saying He has and will do in us. He will make us like
a newborn; a person who not only has no visible traces of damage, but a person who was
never damaged to begin with. To use another analogy, its like when the
Doctor regenerates in DR Who. The old doctor literally dies and a
completely new person emerges. Even his appearance has changed. The
person he was no longer exists, and he is replaced by a completely new
person. Sure the memories of his old life still remain; but for all intents and purposes, he has been completely made new and given a new life. This is what He did and is continuing to do for me. He
not only healed my heart, but removed all traces it had ever been damaged to
begin with. Now, all that is left are memories, which are only echoes of a past
that has no power over me. Its like looking back at a me that existed in some other reality than the one I now inhabit. I will leave you with a scripture that, to me,
proves this process is not only going on in me, but it is a Godly process that
all Christians can believe for. Ezekiel 11:19 Then I will give them one heart,
and I will put a new spirit within them, and take
the stony heart out of their flesh, and give them a heart
of flesh. Rich Mullens uses this line in one of my favorite songs and I like
how he paraphrases it, “I will give you a new heart and a spirit. Your heart of
stone I will remove and put a heart of flesh inside of you. One I can touch,
one I can move, and one that beats in time with the truth.”
